Aries Letters

 Okay it hasn't been a year since my last blog post (10 months)... but you get the point. Let's start by celebrating the fact that I broke up with my crutches and bionic knee brace, the good sis is back on 2s, just not with Megan Thee Stallion knees (there goes my video vixen career dream) lol. But truly, it still shocks me because it felt like a never-ending nightmare but God and the world's best orthopedic doctors came through.. Then I won a competition for a project I shelved years ago lol. Imposter syndrome will be the death of me.. I have a passion project I've been sitting on for years because I'm so afraid to fail, but my support system pushed me to pitch and I came out second and won funding for my project. While on this, let's just unpack how when you're supposed to do something it'll haunt you till you do it, like eh?? It'll pop up in dreams, your social media will be showing subs on it lol napapata give me chance to wallow or avoid working...

Growing up I always wanted to be picked for stuff, the teacher needed someone to read, my hand was up, needed someone to send my hand was up, needed someone to clean the board, I was on my feet. Now that I look back, that's where my pick me tendencies were birthed. The little things grew to big things, as I hit puberty I started to wonder why the boys I liked never liked me back (or pick me) or why the cool kids never picked me to be in their squad, this affected my confidence and how I viewed myself, I felt I wasn't good enough or pretty enough.  The older I grew, I got so engrossed in wanting to be picked by others that I started to lose my own identity. Being a pick-me dictated how I should look, dress,act and all that so I could fit in. But you see, these things don't last, you can only fit in for so long (remember what happened to Lindsey Lohan in Mean Girls?) The truth eventually catches up with you. That bridge you kept saying you'll cross when you get there? , y...

 "Hey, you crossed my mind, I haven't seen you in a while, we should hang out"... That's how the good sis got roped back into the mystery of what feels like love but also occasionally features hate with a gent she shouldn't be entertaining.  Before I am attacked and told it's not only gents who send those messages, best believe I know that we sisters do this (guilty as charged), sometimes the devil just creeps into your mind and tells you; remember how good it felt naba Mulenga, then social media (in a very awkward manner always starts to project things on how you are feeling or what you are going through) convinces you ati "send that text, he or she probably misses you too" and there you are, mu bed with your phone typing, retyping and deleting things till you have finally concocted the "right" message and you press SEND! Then comes the heart palpitations lol kwati chipuba! 😂😂you start questioning yourself over what you have done, wonder...

 I can't do this, I can't do that, I am not so smart... I have had moments in my life where I uttered such words, maybe because I was nervous or because I didn't want to oversell myself, so I spoke words that I felt put me in a safer spot.  The past couple of weeks have been a rollercoaster, from work life to social life. You know how they say when it rains it pours? that's been my life, working long hours, being overstretched, having no room to think, breathe, or even process, just from meeting to meeting, email to email, being scolded for mistakes made in the middle of burnout, YANGU TATA LESA, I am just one person. So in the habit of being a frustrated millennial, I started to complain. I can't do this anymore, I am tired (this is true), I am failing, maybe I wasn't built for this and so much more.. This has been my location mentally, I was just filling myself with negativity and telling myself how I am not good enough for my job, or for the opportunities com...

 As a teenager, I thought my life was hectic, navigating the ugliness that came with puberty and not knowing why sometimes in my cycle I was sad for no reason or ready to fight anyone, why my bra size changed but my shoe size stayed the same, it was a hot mess. So I was ready to be an adult, to hit my 20s and have it all figured out.  LOL!!!! The 20s for me have been a bigger mess than any decade thus far. So we start with the early 20s (20 to 24) in these years, you don't know where you fully stand, you are too young for certain things but also too grown for a different set of things, and it is evident even in the way parents or guardians treat you, you are grown enough to work or be in university but get yelled at for missing curfew or even for dating (because at this age, school should still be your only love), so that ka confusion plays a number on you, am I an adult or in a trial run for being an adult?  Your early 20s also see you losing friends, all of you develop ...

My first career choice was to be a doctor, I think it was heavily influenced by one of my mum's friends. The older I grew, I realized I hate the sight of wounds and blood makes me feel super icky. My second dream was to be a police officer (I don't know why or how), third and my all-time fave was to be a "Sister-Professor" ( professor and nun), being at a Catholic school had me thinking nuns were really cool and Professor Nkandu Luo being the first female professor in Zambia had me feeling like I had to be one too. Then at some point, I was convinced I had to be a Lawyer, my mother fueled it by addressing me as State Counsel, on the other hand, my gramps wanted me to be a broadcaster (journalist), he felt it was more me because I talk a lot and I think I articulate myself well.  Fast forward to now, I am a Public Relations student working in marketing and advertising, I think I like where I am, it's where I want to be that stresses me out. As a vision board hun, I...