I am a people person, so making friends has never really been hard for me. I can easily start conversations and probably carry them along for as long as I possibly can. One of my biggest struggles though, is knowing which friends are seasonal, long term and just abena hi- hello.
The oldest friendship I have is 24 years old, we met at church when we were 2 years old then, mothers were friends then we went to the same primary school, in the same class for a little bit (fun fact about this, so one term in grade 1 during mid term exams Natasha passed number 1 and I number 4.. gosh I was so devastated, fast forward to end of term.. I passed number 1 and Natasha was number 4) I have never forgotten that lol... Back to the piece, so our friendship hasn't been a walk in the park, we have had our fair share of ups and downs, we've broken up a couple of times lol but the getting back has always been better and more fulfilling. And the older we grow, we both see so much of the bond our mothers had in what we have and its cute.
So with growth and different stages in one's life come different people, you have your high school friends, your college/university friends, your friends through partners or friends of friends, if you are like me even your groove friends. So the struggle lies in knowing which ones are for that chapter of your life and which ones get to be potential godmothers to your baba or your bridesmaids!
Another thing about growth and friendship is while you grow so much changes, your personality, your needs, ambitions, what you find fun etc and this can easily change the requirement list of the people you call friends. If in high school our friendship started because we both had a crush on Bow Wow, our favourite color was pink, favourite subject was English and all that jazz, chances are real high now that I am older, I am not building a friendship on that foundation (but allow me to mention that I now have a crush on Wale and my favourite color is Grey).. My earlier statement is not to dismiss that you can build lifelong friendships in high-school, the point is with growth comes change and some of us may grow in a similar way while others may fall off the wagon and there is nothing wrong with that. I don't hate you nor do I have anything against you, I kinda just feel we don't have much in common and its getting awkward. I will check-in, but I don't know if this is a solid friendship anymore.
That being said, my mother has a circle of friends and they have been squad deep for almost 35 years, they would take turns on who gets to watch me on some weekends so everyone got a chance at groove.. #SquadGoals.. This friendship circle has shown up and stays showing up for me till date, when I am sick, when I need bundles or just to vent about my mum. They do have their issues but they taught me that communication is key in any friendship.
Communication.. are you talking to your friends about the things they may have done that hurt you or how you feel it may be one sided? or how they just call you nga ni time yaku beer. I will admit, I struggle with these kinda conversations, I just shutdown and sometimes quietly exit the friendship. But is that good? should that be how we do things? I am going to try and improve that, I hope you do too, if you are bad at communicating with friends. Elo no I am not saying confrontations, I mean actual well expressed calm conversations!
What does friendship mean to you? How do you perceive it? Are you a good friend? or are you a seasonal friend?
The art of friendship is beautiful, so great I actually have it on my top 3 relationship qualities, I can't be with someone I can't be friends with because I always have gist and dry jokes lol... I digress..Friendship in its best form is amazing, it keeps you going, it keeps you accountable, it keeps you grounded, you have a safe haven and everything more. The bembas say Ukwanagala kula chila lupwa meaning friends can sometimes be more present than family (bene blood is thicker than water please don't fight me, here we are discussing friends). But lowkey we all have had moments where the squad pulled up and the fam didn't and that's okay!
As we step into a new year and starting assesing and doing our quality control on friendships, introspect and also see how you can be a better friend.
Thank you for reading!
Lots of Love
Thee Talkative Aries.💖
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