Not You, Again...

A few weeks ago, an acquaintance reached out to me, they wanted to consult on work related stuff, through the daze of pain and high on meds, I mentioned I was out of office and referred them to someone else, they weren't assisted accordingly and kept messaging, so I mentioned I'm unable to help because I'm on sick leave, they asked what happened, I gave a brief "had surgery " and their response was "something is always up with you, do you pray?".... my heart sank a little because woooow, how empathetic! 

Since that day, those words have haunted me every now and then, I have cried once or twice (maybe even more tbh) but yeah. Let's get into it! - grab a drink and kickback!

Cue in - Survivor by Destiny's Child 🎶🎵🔊

Exactly a month ago today, in the early hours of a Monday morning I was rushed to theatre... confused, scared and in pain.. How did I get here?

I left the office on Friday, with my "weekend bag", headed to my best friend's house because we were going to Strictly Soul that evening, kicked off the night with a home made whiskey sour (besty makes the best), then made way to the event, if you know me, you know I'm big on RnB, sang till I lost my voice (Irreplaceable by Beyonce was definitely the song I sang the loudest 😅) , it was definitely one of the best days of the year, graduation tops the list! Saturday, I went to class (certification program), it was after this that everything went left🫠 . Went to the nearest hospital for suspected gastritis and well they just treated it as that, they gave me everything they probably can and the pain just kept getting worse 😪 and all I kept saying was "Mwe Lesa Ngefi".. Saturday turned to Sunday and Sunday evening is when it really crumbled. After a scan, the last doctor to see me explained to my mum, aunt and sister the results of the scan, and how this was an emergency, and I had to be referred to another facility ASAP. I saw their faces drop, and everyone now rushing up and down.. My sister drove like Satwant Singh ku rally 😅. 

Everything after that was described "urgent", "emergency", and I remember the Surgeon on call saying "if her vitals change, call me immediately.. there's a way in which people spoke about me that made me realize this was serious. No one wanted to look me in the eye, it was injections and vital checks every 2 hours, next thing I was rushed to theatre and I remember telling one of the nurses, I don't know how I got here, it was supposed to be gastritis (it was nothing to do with gastritis or digestion😅). 

Why am I speaking about this? 

Nothing and no one can ever prepare you for a "pause/slow down" in your life... what happened to me came out of nowhere but it came and it came loudly, I was worried about my job - it's December peak season for marketing roles, I was worried about my family- we can't go through another me related thing again (see, why that person said it's always me who gets sick💀) , I was worried about myself.... having battled with my mental health for years (depression, PTSD), I was trying to be strong, for my mum, my sister, my job.. I've been here before, where you can see the worry in peoples eyes but they try to be strong for you, I don't know about others but this makes me want to be strong for them.. but this time around I was failing, I was down and I was down real bad - if I'm being honest I still am.. no one ever prepares you on how to process your feeling or thoughts after major surgery or a life threatening situation. 

Hospitals need to look into counseling because I'm still stuck on "I went to the hospital for gases" 😅😅 it could be denial or a coping mechanism.. The lack of conversation after heavy instances takes a toll on you because why am I now afraid or triggered by a mere tummy ache?

Lastly, empathy... I'm grateful for the gift of community, I have a solid community, family, friends, networks, colleagues etc.. they have shown up in ways I can't explain.. but there's also people like the one who made me feel like I'm always down.. sometimes we may not realize how what we say to people may affect them.. it could be a joke or in passing but you lose nothing by showing a little kindness to the next person. 

Otherwise, abakali, bakali, inshimbi ni shimbi! 😅 twalikosa! Ilya copper yaba mu "Copperbelt" nifwebo! 

I might just bring back my podcast and turn this letter into an episode 🤔.

Thank you for reading.  

Lots of Love...

A Happyish Girlie 🩷💜 formerly known as Thee Talkative Aries ♈️